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by Dr. Jeffrey Lant
It doesn't take a Harvard Ph.D. to figure out that we in America have a leadership void. We need real leaders and we need them -- yesterday.
After a long and thorough search I am ready to unveil to my readers, the most discerning folks in the universe, exactly where such leaders are being crafted, one tight t-shirt at a time.
The answer is Hooters... the restaurant noted for its mediocre burgers and chicken wings and, notoriously, for the comely waitresses whose manifest charms are designed to keep the customers' eyes on something other than what emerges from the kitchen.
As all restaurant owners know (particularly after the nation's business killing recession so recently over), you need a gimmick to expedite success and maintain your advantage in this ultra competitive industry.
Hooters, founded in 1983 in Clearwater, Florida, made the decision right from the get-go about how they'd get customers -- and keep them. Their candid motto is "delightfully tacky yet unrefined", and they live down to it every single day.
What they're really selling is not of the burger variety. The essence of their success goes back to Eve and her machinations in the Garden of Eden. A well-configured person of the female variety is what keeps customers (overwhelmingly male of course) happy from the first minute... and happy every single time they return. Their lubricious thoughts are not only tolerated.... but encouraged by the practised Hooters Girls who, with a wink and timely nudge, know how to keep the boys happy, even if they're 85.
Hooters Girls have unmistakable charms... and the ability, perfected by the restaurant, to package them to jaw-dropping perfection. Unlike more prosaic eateries, at Hooters, should the cuisine disappoint, one can always derive the benefits from oggling invited... and encouraged. Hooters is a very friendly place. And, as it turns out, very educational, too.
With the company's generous approval, ex-Hooters Girl Julia Hurley, reports in the February 2011 issue of the company's magazine, how what she learned at Hooters was vital to her election to the Tennessee General Assembly last November. There, at age 29, she now represents as a Republican a conservative district west of Knoxville.
Julia's constituents are of the America loving, gun toting, Bible quoting, gay baiting, tax-paying variety, the very core of the nation. As such they were enchanted (particularly the men folk) by what they saw in Julia... and were glad to learn how thoroughly she had taken the Hooters' curriculum to heart. Incumbent Democratic representative Dennis Ferguson never had a chance, although (it is thought) his worldly advisors (when things looked grim) suggested Chippendale attire and beef cake. Foolishly Ferguson declined.
We thought, but were obviously misinformed, the Hooters Girls were selected primarily for the physical qualities a beneficent God gave 'em... but we were wrong. Hooters Girls, says one who knows, are there to learn the essential skills of leadership, skills so desperately needed by the nation. Their bodies, young, firm, eye-catchingly displayed in the skin-tight Hooters apparel, are not, we are glad to learn, the focus of the establishment. No, we have come, red-blooded males all in a pother, to see America's finest young ladies learn the skills with which they will solve all of America's problems, one satisfied citizen at a time, without a penny of extra task.
Sadly, these skills were viciously attacked by ex-Representative Ferguson's supporters during Julia's successful campaign. That woman, they fulminated, had posed in provocative photographs, photographs designed to inflame the blood and seduce the innocent.
Not so, said Julia. Her experiences at Hooters taught her how to present products to best effect. She obviously did so; her modeling photographs, for instance, are stunning, artful, revealing Julia's true self. Why should the lady be penalized for perfection? Male constituents particularly nodded their heads in agreement, as she said so.
Well, then, said certain sanctimonious, censorious inhabitants of the Knoxville area, riddle me this: how can we elect as our bona fide representative a woman who, more outrageous than the wicked and seductive Biblical Jezebel herself (Kings 2, beginning verse 16), has flaunted, in a state of provocative undress?
Outrageous, untruthful charge, responded Julia. I was merely using my Hooters education to best advantage. The public demands in these skeptical days full disclosure... and I have given it to them, thank you very much Hooters and your wise teachings.
To be sure, Julia brought more than her Hooters experience to the voters. But even here she credits Hooters. They encouraged her, with her winning ways and proven abilities with people, to reach out to the community. So, she augmented her undeniable Hooters connections by joining the Southern Baptist congregation and the Gun Owners of America. Wise recommendations.
Dennis Ferguson never had a chance, which of course is the point of the "take no prisoner's" Hooters curriculum which stresses winning over everything. It is the Hooters way which is why the company has chosen the owl as its apt symbol. For the owl is the symbol of the Greek Goddess Athena, a deity of war and of wisdom. The Hooters Girls all wear it proudly and can, as yet another accomplishment, mimic the "hooting" sounds of their emblem. It is for these, and nothing else, that the company is named. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
Representative Hurley is by no means the only ex-Hooters Girl who has made better. The company's magazine regularly features other such paragons, the bikinis and other skimpy attire being entirely incidental to their success.
Now that Hooters has this success formula down pat, it has gone worldwide with a will. There are fully 460 Hooters restaurants throughout the U.S. of A, in 44 states, the U.S. Virgin Islands, and even Guam. In addition, Hooters operate restaurants in 27 other companies, having gone international with Singapore.
This is welcome news to those of us who, despairing of the curriculum in the public schools and its manifest inadequacies, now see in Hooters the necessary regeneration. And not a moment too soon. What Hooters teaches, clearly works.
What's more the price is right. For a tiny fraction of what we burdened taxpayers have to cough up in support of local schools, Hooters can already do and better, achieving much simply by taking off more. I like it. It's simple and effective. Yes, indeed, it has legs, though I would hesitate to say so before these blushing, dainty little ladies, those Hooters Girls.
About The Author
Harvard-educated Dr. Jeffrey Lant is CEO of Worldprofit, Inc., where small and home-based businesses learn how to profit online. Dr. Lant is also the author of 18 best-selling business books.
Republished with author's permission by Lawrence Rinke http://ActionEqualsProfit.com.
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