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by Dr. Jeffrey Lant
Author's note. To get the most from this article, go to any search engine and look for the recording of "It's so nice to have a man around the house". Eartha Kitt's is the best; she was the mistress of steamy insinuations and wanton sensuality, implied, but never quite stated. Every word of her version takes on a whole new meaning when the subject is Arnold Schwarzenegger and his carefully calibrated infidelities.
Admit it. You would have liked to have been a fly on the wall the day the governator spilled the beans to the woman he cheated on for such a large chunk of his "perfect" 25-year marriage. But we can imagine, can't we?
Arnold: "Umm, Maria, have you got a minute?"
Maria: "Sure, hon, be right with you.... now what's up?"
Arnold: "Darlin', I've got a little confession to make. Something I've been meaning to tell you for a while."
Maria: "Oh, really, sugar babe. What's that?"
Arnold: "Well you see, it's like this. For the last, er, 15 years or so I've been bonking the maid, yeah Patty... and I've got a 14 year old son. Yah, funny isn't it? He's just about a week older than my other son, I mean your son, I mean our son, I mean Christopher. Can you believe it? I kinda thought you'd like to know."
But Maria, who has her lawyer's number on speed dial, is already on the phone, faster than you can say "community property". Arnold's double life ain't a secret anymore.
What's a guy (with a once gorgeous body) gonna do?
Have you ever heard of "Pumping Iron"? It was both a (1974) book and (1977) docudrama about the run-up to the 1975 Mr. Olympia bodybuilding competition. The film focuses on Franco Columbu, Lou Ferrigno and, above all, on Schwarzenegger. It gave him just what he most wanted in life: fame, recognition, esteem and -- love. These were just the things he didn't get at home.....
Spurned by his father.
Schwartzenegger was born in the small village of Thal, Austria, July 30, 1947. His father was local police chief, a tough man who fought with the German army in World War II as a Hauptfeldwebel of the Feldgendarmerie. In 1945 (then 38) he married Aurelia, 23, with a son named Meinhard. Gustav showed a strong bias in Meinhard's favor, which stemmed from unfounded suspicion that Arnold was not his child. Arnold, then, grew up in an atmosphere of suspicion and lack of fatherly love. Such things reverberate for a lifetime. What goes around comes around...
His parents' aspirations for him were not high. Gustav wanted him to be a police officer; his mother recommended trade school. But Arnold had something bigger in mind; he went to the pictures to see Reg Park, Johnny Weissmuller and his true idol, Steve Reeves. And so at age 14, he started weight training. He was assiduous, dedicated, obsessed in the way of all true champions, so obsessed that, at 18, during his one-year of compulsory military service in the Austrian army he went AWOL so he could attend a bodybuilding competition. He went to prison for a week.... it showed just how serious he was.
At age 20, he had the first great triumph of a life that was to be filled with triumphs. His assiduity paid off and he won the Mr. Universe title. He had the drive, the beautifully sculpted body, the goofy "boys will be boys" smile and the shaggy do... he had acclaim... but only in the very marginal bodybuilding world. What he needed was what Steve Reeves had: a camera that would love his body and project it, larger than life, on movie screens worldwide. He needed "Pumping Iron", the film that had " heart, soul, blood, guts, perspiration and plenty of muscle".
To achieve his objective, he needed to keep winning the bodybuilding competitions that kept him in the limelight... and he needed to learn English. He knew these were critical aspects of his success, and he did what was necessary. That is the way of all champions... and Schwarzenegger proved to be one of the best.
He pumped iron... and, with the help of such trainers as Joe Weider, Ric Drasin, and "Superstar" professional wrestler Billy Graham... won the big titles, including in 1970, age 23, the first of his seven Mr. Olympia titles.
While he pumped iron, he took English classes at Santa Monica City College and earned a B.A. degree by correspondence from the University of Wisconsin -- Superior where he graduated in Business and International Economics, in 1979.
Oh, yes, and very much as an afterthought, he had women... a lot of women. He liked them... and they, knowing every curve and sinew of that magnificent body... liked him... and wanted a piece of what male perfection could be. He gave... he enjoyed for the moment... but such women were never a part of his grand plan.
"I'm going to become the greatest actor!"
Despite one bodybuilding title after another (and he bagged them fast and convincingly), he wanted something else, something more lucrative, something that would make him a household name. And at last, in 1982, his wish came true with the sword-and-sorcery epic "Conan the Barbarian". It was a box-office hit, immediately followed by "Conan the Destroyer" (1984), not quite as successful as the original but keeping the unpronounciable name and very pronounced body before the public while looking for the next triumph.
In due course, after a number of unmemorable moments (can you say "Red Sonja", 1975) he lucked out (in 1984) with the first of three Terminator films, which placed him exactly where he had always wanted to be: at the top of the tree, rich, famous, desired... and finally, fervently loved by millions worldwide.
Maria Shriver, the perfect wife for the man who had everything... and wanted more.
On April 26, 1986 Arnold Scwarzengger married one of the beautiful and talented princesses of the Kennedy dynasty, Maria Shriver, niece of President John F. Kennedy. This made him a member of the most famous family in the land. They have four children.
But Arnold, being Arnold, was not satisfied... though one didn't know how unsatisfied until just the other day in May, 2011. Then it was announced that Conan truly was a barbarian, furtive (like all cheating husbands) but audacious, too -- for he never left the confines of his palatial 11,000 square foot home in Brentwood, California for his adulteries. He did them under his own roof with the family maid, Mildred Patricia Baena ("Patty").
There for some 15 years he made suitable excuses to the old ball and chain ("honey, I've got a little paperwork..."), striding down the corridor... to his mistress Patty's room. Then right back to the arms of his Maria. With careful logistics, without much effort but with great boldness, the man renowned for pumping iron and governing ungovernable California (2003-2011), produced a boy by each woman, the births just a week apart.
Those boys, particularly Patty's, are the ones needing special attention and care now. Maria will get half of everything, or at least $100,000,000. She and Arnold are separated now. When they divorce Maria will again be a very desirable heiress indeed. Patty won't do as well, of course; unmarried mistresses never do. But Arnold helped her get a loan from the Federal Housing Administration and ponied up at least some of the $219,224 down payment.
But it's Patty's son we should worry about. Schwarzenegger has called him an "accident". We can well believe it. But Scwarzenegger, who grew up under a cloud, his father questioning his legitimacy, Schwarzenegger of all people should have been more empathetic, more kind, considerate.
Instead in his most important role as father he proved to be nothing more than a cad who once pumped iron.
About the Author
Harvard-educated Dr. Jeffrey Lant is CEO of Worldprofit, Inc., providing a wide range of online services for small and-home based businesses. Dr. Lant is also the author of 18 best-selling business books. Republished with author's permission by Lawrence Rinke http://ActionEqualsProfit.com.
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