Wednesday, January 25, 2012

'Nobody wants you when you're old and gray.' On the matter of turning 65... andother outrages.

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by Dr. Jeffrey Lant

Author's program note. In 1921, that sultry chanteuse with a silken voice seasoned with a touch of honky-tonk and life's deflating experience -- Ethel Waters (1896- 1977) -- got up before the microphone one fine day and belted into history a little ditty by Billy Higgins and W. Benton Overstreet. It was a swinging song with attitude... and, it turned out, with "legs", too; a song so potent in its magic that over 50 major recording artists couldn't wait to get their vocal chords around it.

It was "There'll be some changes made", and it included the resonating line that made us all queasy... "Nobody wants you when you're old and gray"... the line that justified an ocean or two of wild behavior, the wild oats you'd better indulge in when young and limber... before the Grim Reaper stamped your forehead with the iconic number 65 and measured you for eternity.

Go now to any search engine, review your recorded choices; then "choose your poison" as Grandpa Walt used to say... but, whoever you select, take time to pay homage to Miss Waters, for she was a game old bird and after all was the first to urge us to approach olde age with dignity, composed, resigned, withered hands folded gently in your lap, glass for your false teeth at the ready -- not!

Oh, no, Miss Waters celebrated not just the "you" you were... but the "you" you could be with a few deft changes, tweaks and tucks... all necessary so that your "golden" years are even less demure (by a long shot) than your early days; that you don't just read your Browning -- "the best is yet to be" -- but live him, with plenitude and a "hey, look me over" edge, your original and unique cocktail of defiance, insight, and allure.

Step-dad Jack and the chocolate box.

He was shrunken, smaller than he had been in life... in form that is, never in spirit. And he asked me --before "forever" took him -- for chocolates. He craved them. I didn't have to think twice about what to do. I was on the phone at once and ordered him an exuberant chocolate feast of Godiva's best, the kind of assortment that a boy bent on the delights of love gives to the girl he wants to wash his shirts and cheat on for life. Yes, it was that big. And when I called to make sure he had the package... I was informed this man I hardly knew... had the box open, a few already nibbled, sampled, so he could make the best selection. And he was smiling...

But that's only a part of this tale...

The instant she heard ol' Jack talking to me, my mother, that force of nature and approved behavior, grabbed the phone and Let Me Have It. Jack was ill, she said; Jack was dying, she said; Jack could die at any moment, she said, and face his Maker, as quick as you could say "Jack Robinson." What did I mean by giving him, and on his death bed, too, the rich seduction that was chocolate, a food that could not be found amidst his recommended dietary choices, unappetizing all. Why, didn't I know that could kill him....? Moreover, there was no mention in Emily Post sanctioning death-bed chocolates... and thus they could not be approved, unfitting objects as they were for such an event and its high mysteries and profound enigmas.

"But POM (Poor Old Mother)", I said. His cancer is terminal, he could indeed die at any moment; every doctor said so, and at such a time if there's a dance in the old galoot yet he ought to dance it... he ought to have what he wanted, the savor of life, not another moment of the semblance of life, measured out by tea spoons of this medicine, tablets of that. In short he wanted, with an insistence that comes when time is almost gone, one of life's pleasures, not another indication and token of life's finality.

... Jack died just hours later...

... POM became the Ice Queen to me for too long...

But I was the gainer here... for Jack had reaffirmed a profound truth we cannot hear and contemplate often enough... that life is for the living, that life must be lived, exulted, extolled, celebrated and savored... and that at the end, if you want chocolates, the very best chocolates (or their equivalent) no one -- not even the well-meaning wife and scold -- should be allowed even a moment of jeremiad, pontification, finger-pointing and condescension... "Proper behavior" be damned....

Easy to say, difficult to do.

Now, one can damn, and so easily, too, the bug-a-boo of "proper behavior", but the truth of the matter, an independent course is difficult to pull off. Witness my darlin' mama's frosty reaction on the matter of chocolates an instant prior to demise. We geriatric life-savors need to face up to the shibboleths and prejudices of our rigid adversaries... and become as shrewd as we are aged.

Thus, start from the proposition that for the bulk of the world... but never for ones as wicked cool and winsome as we are, Age 65 is regarded as the gate through which one passes, inexorably, inevitably, slowly on account of rheumatism, arthritis and assembled other maladies attendant upon bigger and bigger birthdays; the gate through which we enter aging... through which we depart dead... truly an inviting scenario... if you're into the macabre pictures of Hieronymus Bosch (1450-1516) and other mediaeval horrors. . But Hieronymus and his scarry ilk have never been my cup of tea, perhaps because of their unremitting focus on the darker side of life, its miseries, regrets, loneliness and angst about the eternity into which each of us must enter, like it or not. I am a creature of life and light... and aim to live my credo to the very last moment... for all that I may be able to do nothing more at that unique moment of finality than nibble a chocolate. Even that is enough to reaffirm my adamant belief in life, not life's restrictions.

Yet these restrictions are everywhere, built into the very heart of our youth-centered culture. Folks over 65 are lesser beings, unable to do this, incapable of doing that; past it in ways as diverse as eating corn on the cob or satisfying even the least demanding of lovers. Even more than a baby (which after all does not know better) we are held thrall to the do-nots, the should-nots, the could-nots, instead of enjoying the thrills and growth of the why-nots.

But we are not, we crew of 65 plus, babies to be protected and instructed. We are people who have lived life -- and often riotously too -- with gusto and a zest that only begins when you realize that the life force within you is not unlimited or inexhaustible. It is its very limitation that makes it precious... and which drives us to use it... all of it ... never letting a drop of it... any of it... drip away unused and unregarded.

We know the pleasures of life... and intend to explore each and every one of them until the engine that drives our magnificent being can do absolutely nothing more.

That's why I tell you this: Miss Waters sings her song not for you and me who seize and savor life. For we do not need to make changes...

Rather, these changes must be made by the folks -- "age-ists" every one of them -- who want us to stop living before our time, pushing us out of life, anxious to get what we have had. These folks are in the business of denial, living to block us, restrict us and chide us for ideas, thoughts and actions they deem unsuitable to our age and station... They are the ones who would remove us from life, not help us engage it.

It is for these folks and their disapproval and disdain that Miss Waters sings her song, for they cannot be reminded often and enough...

"You're here today and then tomorrow you're gone" ...

Thus I shall live my life while there is a crumb yet to enjoy. And if that bothers you or anyone, get over it... and make the changes which must be made today... for you have far greater need for them than I do...

Envoy

Dr. Lant turns 65 February 16, 2012.

*** We invite your comments to this article.

About the Author

Harvard-educated Dr. Jeffrey Lant is CEO of Worldprofit, Inc., providing a wide range of online services for small and-home based businesses. Services include home business training, affiliate marketing training, earn-at-home programs, traffic tools, advertising, webcasting, hosting, design, WordPress Blogs and more. Find out why Worldprofit is considered the # 1 online Home Business Training program by getting a free Associate Membership today. Republished with author's permission by Lawrence Rinke http://ActionEqualsProfit.com. Check out Commission AutoPilot -> http://www.ActionEqualsProfit.com/?rd=zq6tZblL

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