by Dr. Jeffrey Lant
The advent of a boisterous Republican majority in the U.S House of Representatives should have been the happiest day in the life of Representative John Boehner (R-Ohio). After all, he was elected Speaker, climbing the greasy pole and getting a sumptuous office with all the trimmings. So, what did he do? He cried, copiously.
Outgoing House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-California) by contrast remained dry-eyed as Boehner took the Speaker's gavel from her. Indeed, as she handed over the gavel, she appeared chipper as all get out. Tears were not on her agenda, despite the fact she was giving up a high office she would likely never grace again.
What's going on here?
It's all about who can cry, where, how much, how often. In short, we are in the midst of an epic cultural change from the stiff to the quivering upper lip. To provide guidance on this subject I checked Scripture:
John chapter 11 verse 32 -35
Then when Mary was come where Jesus was, and saw him, she fell down at his feet, saying unto him, Lord, if thou hadst been here, my brother had not died (33) When Jesus therefore saw her weeping, and the Jews also weeping which came with her, he groaned in the spirit, and was troubled, (34) and said, Where have ye laid him? They said unto him, Lord, come and see.(35) Jesus wept.
That should have ended the debate on men crying, at least for believing Christians (if it was good enough for Jesus....), but most assuredly it did not. That's because we must understand why Jesus wept and what that suggests about when and about what a man is allowed, by prevailing cultural standards, to cry.
Jesus wept because he loved Lazarus.
Jesus wept because he came too late to save his friend.
Jesus wept because to do anything to help Lazarus now, he would have to use his divine powers, thereby providing a miracle. This deed would completely change his life. He would, through this act and the rising of Lazarus from the dead, transcend from being merely a teacher and healer to his divine status. This would irrevocably change the way his followers. hostile authorities, and people generally perceived and dealt with him. The stakes couldn't have been higher.
It is little wonder, then, that Jesus wept. And in so doing helped us understand when we men could weep, too.
Masculine tears are permissible at the death of a loved one.
When a man loses his spouse, child, parents or close friend, especially unexpectedly, tragically tears are not only acceptable, their absence would cause remark and adverse comment.
Such tears are rightly regarded as a form of graceful tribute the living pay to the dead... and a form of blessed relief the dead grant the living. Such tears so given touch the heart and enrich the spirit of all who see them. They cannot but be deeply affected and so participate in the event. When a man cries at such a time and in such a way, he never cries alone.
Nor will a man cry alone when he performs a great deed for the benefit of others and is recognized by these others for the deed done for them.
We can imagine, though not prove, the scene following the resurrection of Lazarus. Touched by the son of God, he rises. Awe, wonder descend on the observers. Lazarus, all incredulity and humble gratitude, reaches out and speaks... tears in his eyes and in the eyes of all who saw but cannot yet entirely believe. And here, too, we suppose, Jesus wept, for the joy of the event, for the return of his friend, and despite the troubles for himself he had thereby ensured.
Men may cry when reminiscence occurs.
There will be, when men suffer great loss, constant reminders, bitter sweet and painful. Walking into a room, he may suddenly be seized with a poignant memory about the loved one gone but revived intact and painfully by memory. Not only memories but tears well up. The sharper the memory and reminiscence, the sharper the pain, the more likely the tears, which fall of their own accord as one gives way to loss and remembrance.
Men, in short, may weep at times of great joy and great loss and profound importance. Such events in the life of any of us are rare, consequential, and require the benediction of tears. For such events, tears add a kind of unique beauty and significance.
This is why weeping in other circumstances must be limited, for frequent tears diminish their significance and effect.
Thus, take notice Speaker Boehner.
Whether one shared your politics or not, we understood the tears you shed upon learning you would achieve a lifetime objective, becoming one of America's leaders at a time of great crisis in the land.
You thought of family, sacrifice, the people who had helped you along the way and the nation you could now greatly serve... you wept tears of great joy. We savored your achievement, grateful to share this moment with you. After all we all have dreams we hope to achieve, share, relish and enrich with tears.
However, Mr. Speaker, a word of caution.
Do not devalue this moment by too frequent tears, as you seem likely to do. Too great frequency of what is manifestly acceptable and desirable on other,greater occasions will change you from an honored person of profound and irresistible emotions and sentiments into nothing less than a sniveler, thus generating great and general contempt and destroying your position, no matter how exalted. Too many tears on too many occasions act as acid, not exaltation.
The great debates on what constitutes acceptable behavior for men will never end, as fashions on this subject wax and wane. But let another politician of lacrimose tendencies, Hubert Humphrey, Senator and sometime Vice President of the United States, have the last word today. Basely and rudely criticized by some for indiscriminate weeping, he at last fashioned the best possible response,
"A man without tears is a man without a heart."
It is worth remembering.
About The Author
Harvard-educated Dr. Jeffrey Lant is CEO of Worldprofit, Inc., where small and home-based businesses learn how to profit online. Dr. Lant is also the author of 18 best-selling business books. Republished with author's permission by Lawrence Rinke http://ActionEqualsProfit.com.
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